Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
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