Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
Randomize
