he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
Randomize
