Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
