I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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