We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
