he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
