I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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