Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Why did u text me "I want to get drunk and go to pizza hut tomorrow. don't let me forget." at 3am??
That text was pretty fucking self-explanatory, man.
Randomize
