I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Randomize
