We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Randomize
