bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
