just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
