tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
