your room smells of hookers.
And success
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
