I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
