I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
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