She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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