did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
