it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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