you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I have aggressive nipples.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
Randomize
