Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I'm half bulimic - I binge but forget to purge
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
