Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
