That's when you crack a 10am beer
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
