We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
