So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I was not drunk enough for that final.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
