Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
