Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
How did they ever let a trainwreck like myself run a bar?!
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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