Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
