Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
