ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I wish they made helmets for livers.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
