You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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