Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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