p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize