If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize