How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Me too!
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
