there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
Randomize
