the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize