just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
CAN I EVER JUST MAKE OUT EITH SOMEONE AND NOT GET FRIEND REQUESTED BY THEM THE NEXT DAY.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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