the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
