Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
That's how pantless uber rides happen
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
