oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
So vagazzling was a success
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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