It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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