I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
