laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
