he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
may have given a homeless man 70 dollars in exchange for his sandals. so yea, i'm going as jesus for next halloween.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
Randomize