I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
I need to stop coming to work sober
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Randomize