Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
