The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize