he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
