You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
