We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
I should have considered my snorting capabilities before breaking my nose
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
