This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
Randomize
