I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
Just witnessed a fat girl fall off the treadmill, pop a medicine ball, and drink coke out of a water bottle all in one workout.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
don't worry, i'll dog sit again, the barking made the sex better, its like he was cheering for us, we were just THAT good.
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