i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
