Did u know that at any givin time there r 46,948,952 drunk people in the world? Were not alone
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Randomize
