I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
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