Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
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