imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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