I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
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