he pissed his pants, and she still wants to hook me up with him. I try not to date guys with bladder control problems... Unless they're loaded anyway.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
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