I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
