I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize
