I cannot find my penis.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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