True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
can u get pink eye on your cock?
I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
He came inside and met my grandmother after we had sex in the driveway. I love that he has a van.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
