literally had 100 drinks last night.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
This unplanned pregnancy thing is really taking all the fun out of football season.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I could fuck to npr.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
Randomize
