just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
The doctor put me on 3000 mg of amoxicillin a day. Which, for a sinus infection, seems pretty excessive to me.
Maybe he was just trying to knock out any potential ghonorrhea you might be carrying around.
Ah, my reputation precedes me.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
Randomize
