I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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