i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I'll just save you what dignity you have left by letting what happened die with your lack of memory and/or liver.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
Randomize
