i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Randomize