I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
