I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
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