apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Ketchup is God's man juice
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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