Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
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