I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
They sat at the bar while we waited for a table. When the hostess came to seat us, they were shitfaced, and swordfighting wth chop sticks.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
How do i politely tell him his dick looks like it went thru a meat grinder?
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Randomize
