ofcourse shes the first one pregnant. wasnt she the one who asked the middle school health teacher how many calories are in sperm?
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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