literally had 100 drinks last night.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Randomize
