my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
