you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
be right there i have to get my cape
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize