i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
He did a backflip because drugs
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
