I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
