I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
