I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
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