Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
