My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
