Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
he like comes into my room and is like..."can you fix my pants" and then just drops trou
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
