"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize