I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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