That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Randomize