Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
He's passed out. He nodded his head when I asked if he's alive though...so there's that
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
