I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
