i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Randomize
