It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
