mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
